i [understood]
Barbara Dockery

this is my story.

this is me sticking to my story.

this is me not giving up halfway through, thinking all my pages are complete crap, crumpling and tossing.

this is what i sound like when i've made three starts already.

i've said it before [not to you, there are others] and i'll say it again, i do everything backwards and if i'm lucky three is my charm.

i rarely practice good grammar; it is my opinion that all letters, numbers, words and phrases should be created equal except in cases where things such as capitalization and say, comma's would reduce confusion. [breathe]

sometimes i choose to confuse you deliberately, trip you over your own two feet and make you wonder which one of us is stupid. i can do whatever i want here, my paper.

i can begin in perfect present tense - slip you the hyphen - and then skip the next …, or i can laugh or haha [with or without exclamations] or draw you a picture with words of how my face squishes up when it's pouring wet from the hee haw's all red and puffy from no air while i'm sucking in laughter and watching it pour back out of me. [running on fused sentences]. sticking to my subject i'll go ahead and say, i think wrinkles are called laugh lines because you notice them most when mixed with intense humor. [it's called elaboration]

i can even talk to you from inside my head without saying a word. [feel the power] i am licensed; i write, therefore i am. words never escape me although sometimes my mouth won't allow me to speak them. conflict.

where was i?

oh yes, backward motion, i bathe in it. i love to ride facing backwards in a car and watch the road run away from me. going forward is so aggressively not my nature. that's the most exciting part of my obsession with reverse and it's such a long story i don't think i'll tell it. i'm allowed to lose patience with my own rambling and move on. [passive voice position in a ghostly sauce]

i wield this pencil and name her two-edge, one for each side of me. [simple as that] so far she's delivered me to and from the gates of hell. can't wait to see what's next, of late i've been floating aimlessly along a stream that branches off the river of evolution.

i use these words well together they contrive my shield. trustworthy not enough to speak aloud her thoughts align as weapons holding men in revelry. [up shifting third gear in person] she will make you come here or go away, turn you as off and on as she pleases playing god with the switch that makes the light go off and on in your head.

flip, flop, flap and flit. [onomatopoeia and stuff]

keeps most of this to herself. leaves out crucial information you need. [fragmentation expertise] complete sentences, five in ten have trouble, she is one in five.

you, you, you, you, you. [second gear in person] barely worth mentioning, it is [understood]. you exist, else i do not.

i am ready to move on again. [imperative] still with me? [indicative] if so i have created your need. [subjunctive] this element is crucial to my success and to fail you is to fail me. i am unprepared. there are few desires within me to lead any race aside from yours. i crave your complete attention and seek for you to demand mine.

as these words meet your eyes our lips now touch, your hands falling to my paper waist. we are locked inside the millimoment before emotion surges and your beliefs will follow as ragged intakes, your mind will pause and rewind and i will get off on it. creations are extreme selfish existences designed to bend will, cave divinity, but the combination of you and i as we both travel left to right is seduction at it's best. [metaphoric transplantation]

like all good magic, herein lies the hidden secret to my tricks. utter silence and the lack of it. i am requiring today only hushes and harnessing the wild ones thoughts, putting the rest of my stock into safety netting. [modifiers dangle taunting and grinable before my hungry eyes and watering mouth] freedom comes disguised, packed tightly into microscopic multi-use boxes and tins. safety pins.

definated opinionage on freedom: this page can contain any person, place or thing [nounish], any way [think verb], any time i desire [present tense just passed]. with all due respect to you, to mine own self i am true as my guts push the lead across this page leaving you in their wake. [antecedent, you've just been served] i amble onward toward nothing dragging you alongside the fences of creativity making positive to bounce your head off every wretched post.

running on shortened fuses by now there has been very little silence today. to reference this chain of events i will remind you of my inability to follow the rules. you're not missing it, there really is no structure here. is there? [hook, line and thinker]

pssst… parallelism? i can't decide, but you can if you like and if you think this is a stroke of genius think again; picture a girl flipping through her english book bored and home alone. [coordination not so good; natural born klutz]

word choice. three words. too many choices. [persona plays a staggering role]

something out of the blue, a change up if you will - possessiveness is the pits. take this paper for instance, it's either mine or yours or jack's or james's. we even hold races to see who can possess something first. roses' petals fall closest to their owner. finding something within your grasp means it was meant to be possessed by you. a manual on knowing when not to stretch beyond our reach would be helpful in such situations. don't you think?

i'm a bit more content with this story now than when i first began but it happens too, that i might become bored with the chore of proving my point. the race to possess you is cross-country jogging at best and i am out of breath again. practicing strategy with no pain and no gain, my tormentors, i am praying to end on an appositive note. you see, the key to this personally argumentative essay is to present and defend my point on the uselessness of rules when imagination is introduced and since you've made it this far, my work here is done.

post script: [could i get an A on this please thanks that would help a lot…]